Stay True (memoir)

Stay True: A Memoir

Author	Hua Hsu
Language	English
Publisher	Anchor Books[1]
Publication date	2022
Publication place	United States
Pages	208
ISBN	9780593315200

Stay True is a 2022 memoir by Hua Hsu, published by Anchor Books and Doubleday, both imprints of Penguin Random House. The memoir depicts Hsu's unlikely relationship with a college friend named Ken, a friendship that was unexpectedly and tragically cut short when Ken was killed in a carjacking in 1998.

The book received the 2023 Pulitzer Prize for Memoir or Autobiography as well as the 2022 National Book Critics Circle award for memoir and autobiography.^[2][3]

The memoir tells of what was an unlikely friendship, but one that nonetheless formed and led to mutual understanding. While at university at Berkeley, Hsu shunned everything mainstream and he took pride in this. He shunned others for their choice in music, fashion or other things that he considered mainstream, and he took pride in being part of what he believed was the counterculture. He would stay at home on Friday nights and read or listen to music, believing that other people had little to offer him intellectually. Hsu did not drink, as he stated: "I couldn't imagine letting down my inhibitions around people I'd be silently judging the whole time." He met Ken in the mid-90s, when Ken lived in the dorm room above Hsu's at Berkeley. At first Hsu was not intrigued by Ken at all. He considered him too mainstream and uncool; he listened to the Dave Matthews Band, he wore Abercrombie & Fitch clothing, all of which Hsu found unappealing and pedestrian. The two, despite both being Asian-Americans, had also come from different backgrounds. Hsu was a first generation immigrant, the son of Taiwanese immigrants; Ken was Japanese-American, whose family had been in the United States for generations, and had (Hsu believed) seamlessly integrated into American society. Ken was part of a fraternity, he had a white girlfriend, he was more sociable than Hsu, he was much more open to society around him. This initially brought displeasure from Hsu, who was more in line with his Taiwanese traditions. However, the two eventually developed a close friendship, often staying up late to discuss music or culture. Other times, the conversations moved towards the marginalization of Asians in American culture. Ken told Hsu about the time a casting agent from the reality show The Real World visited his fraternity, and he asked her why for a show that is interested in portraying diversity has there never been an Asian person featured. Ken stated that the casting director responded: “She told me we don’t have the personalities for it.” Other times the two would try to list Asian characters on TV shows, with the resulting small lists consisting of: delivery boy or guy at the periphery of a friendship group. At the time, Hsu found making the list an exercise in futility, stating "we were just goofing off and passing time", but Ken thought much more of the exercise. And later, Hsu stated Ken was "piecing together a theory of the world." Eventually, the two men from disparate backgrounds and with vastly contrasting interests formed a close friendship. This friendship would be unexpectedly and tragically be cut short, less than three years later, when in 1998 Ken was killed in a carjacking. Hsu struggled to make sense of his close friend's death. Despite being close to his parents, he found little solace from them. But he eventually grew from the friendship, using the experiences with Ken to inform his later life and career.

The memoir was generally well received by critics. According to Book Marks the book received "rave" reviews based on eighteen critic reviews, with fifteen being "rave" and three being "positive".^[4] On Bookmarks January/February 2023 issue, a magazine that aggregates critic reviews of books, the book received a (4.0 out of 5) from based on critic reviews with a critical summary saying, "A wrenching, tender portrait of friendship".^[5]

Writing for The New York Times, critic Jennifer Szalai found that the book was expansive and difficult to categorize, stating: "To say that this book is about grief or coming-of-age doesn’t quite do it justice; nor is it mainly about being Asian American, even though there are glimmers of that too. Hsu captures the past by conveying both its mood and specificity." Szalai further stated: "This is a memoir that gathers power through accretion — all those moments and gestures that constitute experience, the bits and pieces that coalesce into a life."^[6] Writing for The Guardian, writer Dina Nayeri acknowledged Hsu's concern that it is difficult to write about a deceased friend, especially after knowing him for such a brief period of time. With Hsu concerned that in eulogy, the author may be "burnishing his emotional credentials rather than offering a true account of the deceased”, but Nayeri stated that Hsu provided a touching account of his friend. And she stated of the writing: "These meditations give the writing grace and depth. It’s not enough to classify Stay True as a friendship memoir, or a coming-of-age story, a tale of immigration and assimilation, or a philosophical reflection. It is all these things and more, wrapped up in a meticulous rendering of a 90s California adolescence..."^[7] Writing for The Washington Post, Charles Arrowsmith stated: "For all the soul-searching, therapeutic work and years of rumination imprinted on "Stay True", it's the ache of a friendship lost but honored that will linger for readers."^[8] In 2024, the memoir was ranked #58 in the New York Times list of the best 100 books of the 21st century.^[9]